Category: coping

Five things I’m grateful for: Bloganuary Entry #9

Gratitude, as defined, is the quality of being thankful.

And it is truly the key to life.

I love the current movement towards finding reasons to be grateful and ways to express gratitude daily. Sometimes I feel like it’s all too easy to forget that there are so many things in every single day that we should be grateful for. The simple act of waking up every morning is a gift. It’s an underappreciated gift. It’s a gift that is often taken for granted, and sometimes it’s not even acknowledged at all.

Last year, I bought a gratitude journal. Every entry was devoted to the things in that day that I felt gratitude for. I felt like it was super easy to think of every bad thing going on around me, but I truly needed to see the brighter and bigger picture, and I needed to realize that I had so much to be grateful for. Sadly, I was hot and heavy with my entries in the beginning, but things slowed down over time. So I’m happy that this prompt came up, because it’s a great reminder to get back to acknowledging everything that I have to be grateful for. Which is a lot.

So here is what would be in my gratitude journal entry today. Today I am grateful for…:

Medical care: I could go on and on about this one. Reliable, affordable, competent medical care is just hard to quantify or even explain, so all I can say is that I’m extremely grateful to have it.

Supportive and loving family: My family is just awesome. I am grateful that I feel this way about my family, because not everyone is able to say that about theirs.

My devoted partner: Whew chile! After what I’ve been through the last few months in addition to the pandemmy, lockdown, and the craziness of the last couple years…he has both driven me crazy and kept me sane all at the same time. And I legit would not have it any other way. I am so extremely grateful for him.

Delivery services: I cannot say enough about the way that delivery services has gotten me (and the world) through the past two years. USPS, Fedex, UPS, Amazon, food and grocery delivery, and any of the shipping partners that aren’t mentioned…they have truly stepped up in these crazy and scary times. I could go on and on and on and on about their sacrifices and their hard work in a time when things are uncertain and terrifying.

Animals: I don’t currently have a pet, but that doesn’t mean that animals have not been therapeutic in my life. I swear, I can watch animal videos all day if you let me! They brighten my day, make me laugh, and just bring me entirely too much joy.

So now that I’ve made this post and this list, it’s time to pull out my journal and get back into the practice of making sure I fully acknowledge all of the wonderful things, big or small, happening around me each day. There is entirely too much to be grateful for, and when it’s super easy to talk about what’s wrong in the world, I need to just as easily remember the good things around me.

If you had to pick something that you are grateful for today, no matter what scale it’s on, what would it be? I’d love to hear it!

justamarylandgirl3 Comments

Comfort Zones: Bloganuary Entry #2

Black woman standing in front of a city window.

I am an introvert. I used to think I was shy. And maybe in some ways I am shy. But I’m by definition, also an introvert.

I love spending time alone, I recharge by being by myself, and dealing with crowds, even people that I know well, exhausts me. Simple things like sending an email to more than two people, or attending a group outing with more than two attendees…stress me out and cause me a great deal of anxiety. I make myself small and quiet to detract attention from myself. Even at my own wedding, I did not want people to focus on me.

But my mother taught me at a young age that I had to push through situations like these, and over the years I have learned tricks to get me through. Even when I feel dizzy. Even when I want to vomit. Even when my blood pressure shoots through the roof. I push through and apparently many people don’t even notice exactly how miserable I am in the spotlight.

So most people laugh when I tell them I’m an introvert or that I hate non-intimate groups or that I truly do not enjoy being around people that I don’t know well. In their eyes, they see a person who adapts to crowds effortlessly.

With that said, becoming a blogger and wrangling social media requires stepping outside of my comfort zone each and every time I hit publish. I agonize over every single picture and every single post. I inspect every miniscule pixel and weighing every pro and con of posting. Many times, after hours of adjusting and editing and filtering, I just delete the post entirely. I have hundreds of pics from 2021 alone that never made it to an IG post or story, because I just could not calm my nerves enough to push the post button.

And don’t get me started on being a business owner that suffers from Imposter Syndrome. A business owner that has to exude a certain confidence, that has to make the ask every day for people to buy my products. A business owner that has to generate captions and ads, and constantly engage in the world of social media, because that is the way of business nowdays. There’s not any room for an introvert in a world where reels and stories and lives and tik toks are the way to find your potential customer, engage with them without being pushy, promote your product and keep your business relevant.

My comfort zones are close and tight. Self-promotion is hard. Asking for someone’s attention is anxiety-inducing. So every time I post a blog post or story or picture or reel, I am an introvert that has stepped far outside of my comfort zone.

Are you an introvert? How do you step outside of your comfort zone?

justamarylandgirl4 Comments

Non-Artists Can Still Appreciate Art Museums

“Feed your soul with art.”

People say I’m creative. Idk. I guess maybe. But I do not feel like I’m an “art” person. Not in its traditional sense. At least I don’t feel like I am. There’s some art that I can appreciate, I like color combinations, I can appreciate some objects, I like textures and photography, and I like things that tell a story. But for me to get it, it needs to be pretty straight forward.

So for that reason, I feel as though I am not an art person.

I try to get something out of each art piece that I look at, but sometimes I just don’t get it. And if something is abstract AND called “Untitled” AND there’s no explanation for the piece…that’s really tough for me. When it comes to art, I either like it or don’t like it, and though I occasionally do feel something emotional about a piece for whatever reason, there really are a lot of things that I just don’t understand.

But that didn’t stop me from looking up local things to do and visiting the contemporary art museum just a few miles away.

I’ve always enjoyed being a tourist in my own town. Having wanderlust is great and all, but no matter where you are, there are usually plenty of things to see and do without going far. And now that I’m staying put in Maryland for a bit, it’s even more important to figure out ways to entertain myself locally. So the art museum it was!

On the way to the museum, we drove through some absolutely amazing neighborhoods. We passed multi-million dollar homes, and pulled into the museum parking lot. From there, we were directed to the Arrival Hall, where we were given a map of the property and a brief rundown of the art path, the pavilions, and the overall gist of the space.

Glenstone is a place that seamlessly integrates art, architecture, and nature into a serene and contemplative environment.

The art installations were both indoors and outdoors, which was really cool. There was a walking path that was maybe about a mile around with some outdoor sculptures and exhibits along the way.

Then there were five indoor pavilions that also housed artwork. We visited on a day that was personally very intense, and being in such a serene and peaceful environment on an unseasonably warm winter day was exactly what I needed. The walking, the fresh air, the views, the calm…for me, that was the highlight of the experience. And though I’m not an art person, there were a couple of pieces that sparked discussions between my boyfriend and me. But overall, I enjoyed the calm, the nature, the serenity, and just holding my boyfriend’s hand as we took in the ambiance.

The website for the museum really didn’t tell me a lot. I had no idea what to really expect, and I guess that’s by design. When we arrived, we were told that there was also minimal descriptive information about each piece because they want you to interpret the art in your own way. Some pieces I could interpret pretty easily, or I could find something interesting about it, or the shock factor that I believed the artist was striving for was well achieved.

As a “non-art” person, I may not have had the takeaway that the artists wanted me to have, but I still enjoyed the art museum experience and here’s why:

  • Everyone’s experience with art is not supposed to be the same, and I loved my experience
  • I was having a really stressful week and the nature, minimalism, and serenity brought me peace and calmed me down
  • The museum created a platform for me to use my imagination
  • Some exhibits were thought provoking and stirring
  • Some exhibits were confusing and puzzling, and that’s ok
  • Some exhibits made me more curious about the installation logistics than the art, which made me realize I use a different side of my brain, and I found that actually quite humorous
  • The hours spent there were a wonderful escape from the day-to-day
  • It has been a couple of weeks, and I still think back to some of the exhibits and contemplate their meanings

So maybe I didn’t have the types of thoughts that the artist intended, but I enjoyed my visit and I plan to return.

Are you an art person? When was the last time you visited an art museum?

art museum, things to do in Maryland, Glenstone Art Museum

justamarylandgirl2 Comments

My So Called Airbnb Life

The North Carolina Modern Farmhouse Bungalow

I feel like I should have made this post a couple months ago, but…better late than never, right?  You may have seen me mention Airbnb life in a few of my IG and blog posts, so here’s why.

“Let’s find some beautiful places and get lost together”

Towards the end of last year, as my apartment lease was coming to an end, I had a decision to make. I had to decide whether to renew my lease or find somewhere else to live.  I really didn’t care for the complex I was living in, and finding a new place to rent was proving to be harder than I imagined.  Because of COVID and its restrictions on landlords, rental home inventory in my area was pretty locked up.  I didn’t want to move into another apartment, (I was moving from a bad experience with a neighbor and just did not want to be connected to another person). I wasn’t quite prepared to buy another property (I already have a condo that I rent out and am not looking to buy anything else right now), and my rental options were extremely limited for the Southern Maryland region.  As time was winding down on my lease, the whole search was absolutely stressing me out.

In addition, we were around month 9 of this crazy pandemic, we were knee deep in an unreal election cycle, civil unrest was on an uptick, and I felt like I just needed an escape of some sort.  Travel was essentially restricted so a vacation wasn’t really an option, nor was it a long-term solution.

One day, almost as a joke, I said “I should just pack up my stuff and Airbnb it until I’m over it.”

It seemed like a ridiculous idea…until it wasn’t.  What does that even mean?? Airbnb it? What are you even talking about?? Airbnb isn’t even a verb!

After a few conversations with my boyfriend, and a lot of hypothetical what-ifs, we decided what the hell!  We were both teleworking for the indefinite future, all we needed was an internet connection, and that connection did not HAVE to be in Southern Maryland. 

I swear I did not think my stuff would fit!

We came up with a list of criteria for a rental home, we entered said set of criteria, and we searched until we were numb. We whittled down our list and tuned in on one home that piqued our interest. We had probably looked at that Airbnb listing a million times before we made our decision. We decided to go for it, and eventually we made our first monthly reservation. We didn’t really know what to expect.  Could we live in a rental home for an entire month?? What if we hated it on day 1 and were stuck?? We have no place else to go!

The pictures looked adorable but, in this day of filters and angles, anything can be made to look amazing. 

Once the reservation was made, it was time to execute our plan. For the last couple months of 2020, we debated logistics, we purged, stored, and packed all our possessions.  We finished out our lease, and by January 1st, we were in our first Airbnb—an adorable modern bungalow right outside of Raleigh, NC.

North Carolina Rest Stop on the way to our first Airbnb

When move day arrived, we pulled into the driveway well after dark.  We were exhausted from cleaning out the apartment, packing up the car, visiting relatives dropping off random this and thats, doing our last-minute Maryland items, and then driving the four hours to North Carolina.  We fumbled through the self-check-in, we unpacked the car, (dropping a bottle of red wine all over the driveway…sigh…), showered and went to bed.  We barely found our pj’s and toothbrushes before we called it a night.  But the next morning when we woke up, explored our new (temporary) home, and realized how much we loved the idea of what we’d done.

The home was exactly as the pictures portrayed.  YAY!  The décor was adorable, the modern furnishings were so chic, and the personal touches from the host were perfect.  It was peaceful. The scenery was so calming. We felt relaxed and it was wonderful.

Anyone who has taken a staycation can probably relate.  It doesn’t matter if you go down the street or to another country, there is just something therapeutic about being out of your home, your day-to-day routine, your normal space, and in a new environment.  And after nine months of quarantine, and a year of an unpleasant neighbor, new scenery was so refreshing.  Even if all we did was sit inside this home and work, cook, eat, and do normal every day things, we felt like a new peaceful space, and slightly warmer weather, would be just what the doctor ordered.

While it feels super weird to have no fixed address, and to not know where I will be living two months from now, somehow my nerves are less frazzled than they were living next to a neighbor that drove me insane, while constantly watching news that regurgitated the COVID/election/racial injustice cycle.

I’m not entirely sure how long I’ll be an Airbnb vagabond, but I’d love to take you all on this little journey with me.  I can’t promise it will be super exciting, but I will share some homes, experiences, and lessons that I learn along the way. I’m three months and three homes into this experience, and it’s been a pretty interesting lifestyle thus far. 

Have you ever thought of doing anything like this? If so, what would be your approach? What would you want to do? Where would you want to go?

Have questions, hit me up!

justamarylandgirl

My Response When I Feel Unfulfilled at Work

I reached out to a friend recently. The last few times we spoke, I felt like things were very one-sided. You know how it can go…you reach out, you keep the convo going, you ask all the questions, you get little feedback. The convo follows a similar negative pattern each time you speak, so you say to yourself “ok, I’m not doing that again.”

But of course you’ll do it again. This is someone you consider a friend. And they are a friend for a reason.

Today I felt like I wanted to reach out again after a few months had passed since we last spoke. I kept the topic pretty light…anything new, recent home projects, funny stories, things like that. And I noticed it was a matter of time before we circled back to the same complain-esque type conversations. She hates work, work sucks, I don’t want to be there, I hate it there, etc.

So…I felt like…idk, some type a way.  This complaining, almost using the same verbiage exactly…has not changed in over five years!!!!  So as a friend, what can I do?  What can I say?  I asked the usual questions.  Have you thought about other jobs?  Have you thought about classes?  Have you thought about hobbies so that your time outside of work can possibly fill some of the work satisfaction voids?  And the response for all my questions were essentially a resounding “no.” As they always have been.

Now, I don’t want to seem like my life is SOOOO together or that I don’t suffer from the occasional negative work attitude.  But I realized long ago that I had some decisions to make when it came to my work-life balance and what I expected from my 9-5.  Is my job amazing?  Heeeelll no.  lol.  But…I have a few options.  1) I could find another job.  2) I could boost my qualifications so that I could move up or move around where within my current employer.  3)I could get over it.  Or 4) I could live so fully outside of work that I don’t place a super high level of importance on “job satisfaction.”  Those are the options I felt like I had.  Everyone may feel like they have different options, but those are the ones I decided that I had. 

But basically, it was unlikely that the job I had was going to change.  So I could either find a new job, change myself, or change my attitude towards the job.

Ultimately, I chose a weird hybrid of those three options.  1) An opportunity to change departments presented itself, so I grabbed it.  2) I made connections and I sought out opportunities within my agency to grow and be visible, so that I could put myself into a position for promotions and mobility in the future.  And 3) I investigated and implemented avenues outside of work to be my own boss, which ultimately changed my attitude towards my 9-5 job. I wouldn’t say I feel completely fulfilled, but it rarely occurs to me to hate or dislike my 9-5 job. I found other ways to find fulfillment, and I’m quite happy with them.

WHAT IS YOUR GO-TO RESPONSE WHEN YOU ARE FEELING UNFULFILLED?

One of my responses is to learn something. 

Nothing too heavy, just some quick self-learning type thing.  Like how to purge my closet in three easy steps, or how to make easy banana bread.  It almost doesn’t matter what it is, I want to immediately feel like I took an action to better myself in some way.  And quick learning usually does the trick.

Another thing I do is I immerse myself my side hustles.  There are SO many things to learn and there are SO many resources available when it comes to side hustles, I find something, read it, implement it, work on it…whatever. To feel fulfilled, I typically need to feel like I’m gaining control over something,…like I’m finding actionable steps that can lead me to a desired outcome, or like I’m learning something about myself that can help me cope with my current situation or make my current situation better in some way.

Here are some things I did that recently helped me when I needed to feel like I was taking action

1)Listened to a few episodes of The Mindful Kind Podcast.  These are quick, 10-ish minute podcasts about mindful and intentional living.  I particularly loved her episodes about over-apologizing and how to take things less personally.  I also added a few more podcasts to my playlist.  They are such a good way to entertain and learn simultaneously! Nuggets of knowledge that you can implement immediately…that’s my jam!

2)Tried The Little Red Window’s tutorial on making clay trinket dishes.  Ummm this is my new passion now and it has transitioned into keychains and earrings and wine charms and coasters and whatever I can think of…I’m feeling an etsy shop coming on!  Here is a peek inside my new ceramics studio (aka the kitchen counter…lol).

3)Worked on my existing hobby of making beaded jewelry, which is a nice compliment to the clay trinket dishes I’ve been creating.  So I’ve been doing them both as I have spare time.  Here is a bracelet/earring/trinket dish set that I made recently for my sister.

4)Researched and created new styles for t-shirts, including more cities, states, hbcu’s, and customization options.  If my main job isn’t fulfilling, that’s just motivation for me to rev the engine on my side hustle.  Here is a style that I launched recently that immediately started selling as soon as I put it in my etsy store. If you like the style, let me know how I can customize it for you!

5)Downloaded and started working through some e-books related to my business, including A Guide for Procrastinating Bloggers by The Black Princess Diaries.  This e-book made me examine some ways that I procrastinate and helped me think of steps that I can take to avoid procrastination. Ummm…needed that!!  I had some immediate take-aways after finishing the e-book!

What do you do when you feel unfulfilled at work or in life? Do you have any tips? I’d love to hear them!

justamarylandgirl