I Created Habits Instead of Resolutions

I did not make any resolutions this year. Honestly, it just feels so phony for me to do it. I know myself very well and I know that creating this new version of myself on the 1st of the year, with lofty goals and dreams of perfection, is just not realistic or honest.

I will not miraculously start doing things that I’ve never done in the past, and that I have not taken the time to create a pathway of success for.

I didn’t create a vision board, because honestly, for me, it’s just cool pictures and no action plan.

But I did say to myself that I’d like to do better with my finances this year, I’d like to not wake up super hung over after happy hours, and I’d love to stop relying so much on coffee. I decided to try out some new habits, I didn’t set any timelines or expectations, and I just decided to see if I liked these things and if they were things I wanted to continue doing.

So long as I like doing them, I will continue to do them. If I decide that they no longer serve me or that they are of no interest to me, I will stop. I am not going to pressure myself about any of it.

Here are six things I have tried in January, that have now become regular habits.

  • Balance my checkbook daily: How old school can I get, right? I’ve tried various ways to track my finances over the years. I’ve used various excel spreadsheets and I’ve used a planners and paper, but I still felt like I was sort of caught off guard by some payments that came out of my account. I wanted to get back to entering purchases and bills into my bank register, and reconciling the difference with the amount in my account. For me, there is power in looking at my account in this way every single day. Every day, it got easier to go through the reconciliation process. And then it became something that I couldn’t wait to do each night. So now it’s just part of my nighttime routine, just like brushing my teeth and taking my medications.
  • Not drinking alcohol: I went into this one knowing that it would not be a forever habit. Lately I have noticed that my body was not springing back after happy hour the way it had always done. I noticed I was not sleeping well on nights when I drank, and I was starting to make some bad decisions when I was drinking. Nothing super major, just maybe saying things I wouldn’t otherwise say, or being a little more rambunctious than I would prefer. So I decided to stop drinking for a while, and then make a decision about the relationship I want to have with alcohol going forward. So for now, drinking is on a pause for me. I have been leaning on mocktails, apple juice and ginger beer when I do go out, though I did have some wine this week.
  • Drinking tea instead of coffee: I had already managed to scale back to decaf coffee with zero sugar creamer a few months ago. This was already a huge step for me. But for January, I gave up coffee all together. This was actually not an intentional habit, but I got sick the first week of January and drank tea during that time. Once I got better, I did not go back to coffee, and surprisingly, I’m actually ok with it. So I believe this is a habit I will stick with. My daily hot beverage will be tea, and I will have coffee occasionally when I’m in the mood for it.
  • Listening to podcasts: I finally took the plunge and found some podcasts that interest me. I’ve now found intentional space in my day for podcasts. I have found a few podcasts that I absolutely love ranging from budgeting to mindfulness to true crime stories. I feel motivated to take action or inspired to think differently about something every time I listen. They really give me food for thought, or at the very least, I get some entertainment out of it.
  • Taking walks: At some point in January, I realized that neighborhood walks were the perfect time to listen to podcasts. So I started really looking forward to daily walks just so I could zone out and listen to podcasts. The walks aren’t anything major–usually about 20 minutes or so, and about a mile and some change. I don’t walk super fast, and I didn’t start off with any sort of fitness expectations. I just wanted to get out of the house, get some sun on my face, and get some fresh air into my lungs. But in January, I really leaned into the activity, and I decided to challenge myself to walk 30 miles in February.
  • Attending church (virtually): A local church was recommended to me, so I decided to attend virtually in January. I truly enjoy it and I take so many notes during each sermon. And I even refer back to them throughout the week. I love having practical action items and I love feeling like I am taking steps to being a better person.

Did you make any resolutions this year? How are they going for you?

My Week of Vegging: What I Watched, Read, and Made

Photo by Andres Ayrton on Pexels.com

The week between Christmas and New Years is like…my favorite. I absolutely just let myself BE this week. I did not have anything planned, I didn’t force myself to do any work outside of “work” work, though I took off most of the week so that I could use up leave that I was about to lose. I just did whatever I felt like doing when I felt like doing it, and I REFUSED to let myself feel bad for sitting on my sofa vegging out when there are plenty of things I “should” have been doing. Here’s what I got up to during my winter break.

What I watched:

  • Loot with Mya Rudolph (Apple+); Season 1, Ep. 1 – Cute first eppy about an uber rich woman and the charity organization that she didn’t know she ran. Definitely made me chuckle
  • White Lotus (HBOMax); Season 2, Ep. 1-3 – Such a strange, odd, slow-moving show that I can’t stop watching, just like Season 1, which shows that misery comes in all tax brackets
  • True Believers (Hulu); Season 1, Ep. 5 and 6 – It is fascinating to me how people get sucked into cults
  • Love, Victor (Hulu); Season 3, Ep. 5 and 6 – Adorable LGBTQ show about high school love and relationships
  • The Thing About Harry (Hulu) – Perfect feel-good LGBTQ love story about high school enemies that meet in college, and then again as adults
  • The China Hu$tle (Hulu) – A Wall Street heist documentary about Chinese companies and the U.S. stock market. The rich get richer…what’s new…
  • Blood & Water (Netflix); Season 1, Ep. 1-3 – A mystery show set in a prep school in South Africa. So cool and refreshing seeing a show set in Africa, and the plot sucked me in
  • Sex Lives of College Girls (HBOMax), Season 1, Ep. 1-4 -Funny show about dorm mates that makes me kinda wish I was back in college
  • The Big Conn (Apple+) – Gotta stay on top of all the scams, and there are a-plenty
  • Radio Christmas with Keisha Knight Pulliam (Hulu) – So incredibly cheesy. I don’t know what else to say lol
  • Baking Spirits Bright (Hulu) – A movie about fruitcake and Christmas. It is so hard to believe people really eat fruitcake
  • A Majestic Christmas (Hulu) – An architect goes to her hometown to save the town theater that’s being torn down by new owner who hates Christmas
  • A Picture Perfect Holiday with Tatyana Ali (Hulu) – A cabin is double booked by two photographers for the town’s Christmas photography retreat so…you know…will they fall in love or won’t they? Hmmm…

Apparently, I love watching Christmas movies while commenting indignantly about how unrealistic and cheesy they are, and about logical solutions that made way more sense than what the characters decided to do. Oh, and about the flaws in the plot…because they are so realistic. But I also love them so much, so I just keep watching them. Even if they are cringeworthy.

What I Read

  • The Weight of Your Wishes by Bailey Nicole – an age gap, MM, happily ever after story.

My sweet bestie bought me a Kindle last year, but my whole reading game changed when I broke down and got Kindle Unlimited a few months ago. I am now reading one to two books per week. I have never been a big reader, but when I can easily access books that are of interest to me, I just roll right from one book to the next without blinking. And my interests don’t have to be everybody else’s interests for me to enjoy my reading time. So I read whatever makes me happy.

What I organized

  • Shoes at the entryway – It’s amazing what a stylish box stored in a bookcase can do. I had been searching for shoe storage cabinets that would fit into the small space that I had by my doorway and I just could not find something that fit my needs.
  • My payment and budget calendar for the year – It’s never too soon to plan out your pay days and holidays.
  • My finances spreadsheet for the year – Updated all of my balances, due dates, and amounts due. Gotta know your numbers.
  • My old email mailbox that is completely full – Started purging and deleting messages and I finally have one percent of free space.

What I crafted

  • Pom poms (I’m obsessed!) – It became my mindless, soothing thing to do while I watch tv. There’s something calming about snipping yarn. I plan to add these to some baskets and to make some garland.
  • My first latchhook – I thought I may like this as a craft but I don’t think it’s for me. I didn’t complete my project but I got far enough to realize I don’t think it’s my cup of tea. I may revisit it down the road.
  • Finished off wreath for a friend – I made a wreath for myself using pinterest tutorials, and a friend asked me to make one for them. It took me a while to figure out the right technique and to get things arranged just right. I am still learning and figuring things out, but I like the end result.

How did you spend your week between holidays? Hopefully you rested and relaxed and recharged. Let me know what you got up to during Veg Week. And definitely let me know if you’re watching or reading anything that I need to check out. Sometimes I feel like I have reached the end of everything on the streaming services.

Chat soon!

My Reading List: Bloganuary Entry #12

Photo by Vlada Karpovich on Pexels.com

Writing Prompt: What book is next on your reading list?

I really have slacked off with my book reading, and I should be absolutely embarrassed by this. I will never be one of those one-book-per-week kinda people because my free time is so little and the list of things I need to accomplish in my free time is extremely long. But that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t read ever.

To make matters worse, I have an extremely short attention span, so I will pop onto a blog or read short articles or listen to a podcast when I do have some time to sit. But I have not been motivated to read a lengthy book in a while.

I have downloaded a few things that are ready to go on my kindle over the past few months, and I’ve also gotten some book recommendations that I’m dying to jump on. So in no particular order, I’ll go through what I like to read and what books are on my upcoming reading list.

What I like to read: In general, the types of books I love to read are going to either be smut, forbidden romance, LGBTQ smut and romance (which covers the previous two topics), and things that make me think or learn. There’s something about people powering through every reason they shouldn’t be together so that they can love and be loved. I also love a good sex scene. And I love trying to get my life together. So, the books that I read typically fit into those boxes.

When it comes to getting my life together, I absolutely love Brene Brown, Tony Robbins and authors similar to them. My boyfriend and I love to discuss these books because they help us keep a pulse on our thoughts, emotions and goals. I love to learn about business and social media, and I love lifestyle books that inspire me. I particularly love anything that covers intentional, simple, or minimalist living. I also love to learn different ways to organize and budget.

So without further ado, here are the six books that I’ve downloaded and/or plan to read in the near future:

Saint (Priest Book 3) by Sierra Simone: Smut smut smut. I already read books 1 and 2, so this one completes the trilogy.

Strictly Professional by Kathryn Nolan: more smut. I haven’t read this author yet, but I started following her on IG and FB, so her book is on my list.

A Way Home by Kiera Andrews: A gay Amish romance, and the third in a series. I loved the first two books so I’m excited to find out what’s next for the main characters.

The More of Less: Finding the Life You Want Under Everything You Own by Joshua Becker: This author is a master of living a minimilist life, which is something I’ve been interested in for quite some time. So I’m super interested to read his thoughts on the topic.

Down to Earth (a guide to simple living) by Rhonda Hetzel: This book is on my blogger friend, Rebekah’s, Book of the Month list. It seems right on par with my simple living interests.

Kakeibo: The Japanese Art of Saving Money by Fumiko Chiba: I am really intrigued by this concept of budgeting and intentional spending and saving. I feel like sometimes something that should be simple is made difficult, and I feel like the Japanese concept of budgeting, kakeibo, takes budgeting and pares it down into simple concepts. It’s essentially a minimalist and mindful approach to budgeting, and I’m intrigued.

So that’s my upcoming reading list. What types of things do you enjoy reading? Do you have any book recommendations? I’d love to hear about it!

7 Steps to Overcome Roadblocks

I recently found myself at a crossroad. 

I knew I wanted to accomplish a certain goal, and the way to accomplish this goal was to use this specific application.  The issue for me was 1) I didn’t understand what this application was; 2) I didn’t understand how this application fit into the overall process of what I already knew; and 3) I didn’t know how to use or implement this application. 

To add to the obstacle, in order to play around with and learn this application, it would cost money.  No free trials here. So I would have to pay money just to figure out what the application was was and how to use it, before I actually even implemented it.  So in addition to my lack of knowledge, I would also have to spend money.  In my budget-DIY world of learning and business, it just wasn’t checking the right boxes for me.

Overall, these items ultimately became my stopping point.  Instead of figuring it all out, I just shut down and did nothing. 

For about a year. 

Lazy + Cheap = Absolutely no movement towards my goal. For a year.

That. Is. Ridiculous.

In the meantime, I tried other variants of actions.  Low scale, small results type actions that helped me learn a little and earn just as little.  But ultimately did NOT get me to where I had been striving to get.

SO now here I am again, a year later, realizing that, in order to advance to the goal that I set, I have to learn this application and implement what I learn.  I finally said to myself…LEARN THE D*MN APPLICATION!!!! 

Like…am I going to risk just not accomplishing my goals because of this ONE thing I don’t understand???  Chick…are you actually serious???  NO!  I did not come this far to let something so small be the reason I don’t accomplish my goals.

So I got out of my own way.  I googled some articles, read some manuals, and got to work!  And in literally one evening, I made more progress than I made in a year. Now I’m well on my way to being able to implement the knowledge and hopefully also well on my way to accomplishing the goal I set for myself. And ultimately on my way to MAKING MORE MONEY!! KA-CHING!

Please tell me I am not alone.  Do you ever find yourself immobile because you just cannot find the energy, strength, or money to figure out how to progress forward?  I’m going to assume I’m not alone with this.  (Please tell me I’m not alone!)

If you are like me, and find yourself stuck, I want to help.  Because being stuck sucks.  Especially when you’re stuck because of your own self.  So here are seven steps that helped me get going. You can use these when you find yourself at a mental roadblock and are unsure how to move forward.

  1. Envision what you want.  Be clear.  What does success on the other side of this blockage look like?  What specifically will you be/have/do once you clear this hurdle?  Is it a financial accomplishment?  Health?  Education?  Envision yourself in your new home, finishing that marathon, wearing that bikini, or writing that new accomplishment on your resume.  Visualize clearly.  Let that be your motivation.
  2. Identify the specific action or thing that is preventing you from moving forward.  The action may be something big or it may be small.  Do you have to pass a test?  Are you unable to find time?  Do you not quite understand one thing, and that one thing holds the key to bigger things?  Write down the one, or the few things, that are keeping you from accomplishing the goal ahead. 
  3. Note the specific reason that this action is difficult to tackle.  Dig even deeper and get to the root. Are you unable to study because you don’t feel like it?  Is there one thing in the material that requires explanation?  Do you not have time because you have to work, take care of children, and find time to rest?  Are you not sure which method of moving forward is the best option for you and now have analysis paralysis?
  4. Write down a list of ways that you could clear that obstacle.  Is there someone you could ask for help?  Is there a website online that may have an answer?  Do you need someone to babysit?  Are you hesitant to spend money?  Can you research the best option online?  Do you need to speak to someone about their experience?  What specifically will help you overcome this obstacle? Write down one way, or a couple of options for clearing this obstacle.
  5. Designate a specific start time.  Look at your calendar, figure out your upcoming schedule.  Pick a time that you will start devoting to your action.  If your action is researching options, pick a time that you will sit down and begin your research.  You may not hammer it all out in one sitting, but if you don’t make a plan and set aside time, that time will pass and you will be no further along. 
  6. Be intentional.  Even if you only have 20 minutes of solid time this week to devote, make that time as productive as you possibly can make it.  Turn off distractions, put your phone down, have your note-taking devices prepared. Make that time count.
  7. Designate a specific time for your foreseeable sessions.  If you know that you have an hour before the kids get off the bus, let that be your specific time going forward.  If you’re working on losing weight, have your sneakers, sports bra, headphones and gear set out and ready.  When that hour approaches, you can jump to action as soon as it hits. No excuses. No fetching. Get to it.

What I’ve noticed is that each small action snowballs into the next action.  Getting started helped me to gather the momentum to keep going. 

Once you hit the brakes on a plan, you just have to figure out how to get going again. Get unstuck and keep moving!  Don’t dismiss how important this goal is to you and your future. Your goal is important and you are worth the effort!

Do you have any tips to add? Anything work for you that I haven’t mentioned? Let me know your thoughts on roadblocks!

Adult Orthodontia: Five Things to Consider

I have never shied away from a smile.  I’ve always smiled big and boldly, never hesitating.  Even though, up until I was 35, I suffered from a severely overcrowded bottom row and a poked out top row. Some teeth were turned all the way around, and others leaned to the side and fought for space.  

I sucked my thumb until I was 16 years old. It wasn’t until high school biology that I realized exactly how gross it all was and stopped immediately.  But the damage had been done by that point.  My teeth were a wreck. 

It never occurred to me to be bashful about smiling.  I never really thought about it.  Until one day I laughed heartily about something, and my mother looked at me and said, “I always regretted not being able to get you braces.”

The comment wasn’t meant to be hurtful, and honestly, I didn’t take it that way.  But it did make me a little self-conscious.  We were really starting to enter the age of social media and taking selfies and photographically documenting every moment in life became the norm.  I started noticing more and more that I would filter pics so much that you couldn’t detect any crookedness at all in my teeth.  Though people may not have noticed it in pictures, they definitely saw it in person.  After mulling it over for the better part of a year, I eventually found myself on the quest to get braces. 

I did my research, visited a few dentists and orthodontists.  I consulted friends and family, and sometimes I even got a lot of unsolicited feedback from people that caught wind of my plans.  I actually had someone ask me why I was bothering with braces when I’m already so old.  I was floored!  I was 35, I wasn’t dead! 

But what I was at the time was broke. Or at least broke-ish.

I was at a point where money was tight, and it was hard to fathom paying for something so costly.  Especially something that was NOT a necessity. I had some plotting and planning to do if I wanted to get this done.  There were a lot of factors to consider, and I wanted to make sure I did my due diligence before I got started.

Quite a few things factored into my thought process. Here is a list of my top five things you should consider if you are thinking about adult orthodontia. 

  1. Know your insurance options.  When I first began this voyage, many dental plans did not cover adult orthodontia. A few plans were just starting to cover adult ortho up to 50%, and many plans did not even do that.  Some required you to be a plan member for a year before they would cover adult ortho. Others covered adult braces the first year you enrolled in their plan.  If you are considering braces, do your research when your open enrollment period happens. Talk to the plan representatives, read your materials, and get a full understanding of which plans cover what costs.  Another thing that helped financially was enrolling in a flexible spending account (FSA). This allowed me to use my pre-tax dollars to reimburse myself for medical expenses.  It’s really important that you make your benefits work for you as much as possible.  Ask questions. Know your options.
  2. Shop around.  Every orthodontist does things differently.  Some orthodontists do Invisalign, some only do traditional braces.  And believe it or not, there are other options in between.  In my case, I visited three orthodontists prior to the one I selected.  They all wanted me to get several teeth pulled before they’d put the braces on.  I had no interest in doing that.  It involved more money, more pain, and coordinating between an oral surgeon and the ortho.  When I finally met my ortho, she told me about something called fast track braces.  They moved the root and tooth simultaneously (whereas others move the tooth, and then the root moves after the tooth moves…WHAT???)  She also told me that she wouldn’t need to remove any teeth because there are different facial profiles, and as an African American, my facial profile is a little wider around the jaw than a Euro or Caucasian facial profile.  She told me that she could move my teeth without making space first, and thus, no teeth needed to be pulled.  The downside was that she didn’t do Invisalign so I would be a very noticeable metal mouth for the duration of my process.
  3. Do what’s best for you and no one else.  When I was confronted by the naysayer who asked why I was bothering getting braces “so late in life”, it almost discouraged me to the point of reconsidering.  But my orthodontist told me something: “The years are going to pass regardless of whether you do this or not.  Why not have a pretty smile at the end of it?”  She was so right.  I knew this was something that I wanted.  I was paying for it, I had to deal with how my smile looked, and it was not up to anyone else whether I did this or not. If that person thought I was too old, that was on them. I knew I had plenty of life to live, and I wanted to do it with a smile that I loved.
  4. Commit to the entire process.  I cannot stress this enough.  Do everything that your ortho tells you.  Stay on schedule with your appointments.  Stay away from foods that will cause damage to the braces or your teeth.  Clean, floss, use mouthwash, all of it.  Braces cost entirely too much to do the process half way.  As an adult, you have better appreciation for what you are spending your hard earned money on and what you are sacrificing to get the work done.  So make sure it’s done well and done right. Do your part to ensure a successful outcome, and make sure that your money and time are not wasted.  And the most common advice from everyone that has ever had braces…wear your retainer.  The process is not over just because the braces come off.  Wearing your retainer afterwards is crucial to making sure your teeth don’t slip back into their old formation and that you haven’t thrown money into the trash. 
  5. Realize that braces are more than just a pretty smile.  Getting braces, for me, was not just a cosmetic issue.  Getting braces improved my overall oral health.  First and foremost, the process helped me get serious about my cleanings, dental procedures, and keeping my teeth healthy.  I became diligent about flossing, and I make appointments at the first sign of any issues such as cavities or other discomfort.  I had previously developed a habit of waiting until issues got bad and resulted in costly, painful procedures.  Getting braces made me change my overall mindset about my oral health.  Getting rid of the overcrowding in my teeth helped reduce my near bouts with gingivitis and gum disease.  And honestly, I love going to the dentist now.  Having regular appointments and establishing a rapport with my ortho made me feel a level of comfort when I walk in the office.  Now when I go in for visits, I am excited.  I want to chat with the people there, and I want to show my dentist that I’m sticking to the things she’s asked of me.

Even when it was painful, I enjoyed the process of having braces.  I embraced it for all it was worth.  I got the colorful rubber bands, and I got them changed every month.  I had people hit on me because they thought I was much younger than I was, and it cracked me up every time. 

I have always loved laughing and smiling.  And now I love looking at my selfies. I don’t try to cover up or whitewash my teeth with filters.  Even in my worst picture, my smile makes me smile. And I love that. It was worth every penny spent and every pain endured.

Have you thought about getting braces as an adult? What concerns do you have? What’s stopping you? I would love to hear from you and I will gladly share my experience!